im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
