did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
