Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
