Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I only lived at night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
