What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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