matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
