break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
