marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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