Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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