we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you inspire me to be a worse person
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
