It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
