Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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