Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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