So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
