my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
