your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
