i barfeds in our rink
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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