I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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