i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize