Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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