just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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