i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize