I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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