I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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