Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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