last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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