Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
