dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
