Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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