Swine flu. Run for my life!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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