i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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