Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
false alarm, still single
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