I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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