I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
