Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
