So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just pee around me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
