i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
