If i come over, it means nothing
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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