Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
