I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
