i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
