I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
