One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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