Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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