His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
