Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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