im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we're so committed to being not committed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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