if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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