How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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