Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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