wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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