OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
