he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize