I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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