so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize