those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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