Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
