Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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