I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
