Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
