the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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