I CAN MOONWALK!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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