i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
