I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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