You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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