Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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