i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
