no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
soo... how was my night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
