This is the prime rib incident all over again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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