i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
