dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
