Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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