Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
