Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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