I must be too annoying 4 u.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
