i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
