when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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