You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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