saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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