Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
