is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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